I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
