i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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