i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
