your room smells of hookers.
And success
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
