There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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