Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
