After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
