mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
