woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
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He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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