im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
