Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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