Im at strip club and am horny
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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