Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
