dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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