I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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