I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
