hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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