grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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