8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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