Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she peed on how many people?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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