i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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