I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
