He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm like, not good at living.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
