You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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