somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My feet surprised me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
