i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
