just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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