My first STD was from a foam party
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
