hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sext me about skeletons
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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