it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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