Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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