She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Non-Jews are for practice
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
