what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
