Soap is not a condiment
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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