well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
