So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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sarcasm needs its own font
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
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I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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