...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
