My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
