I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
