man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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