I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
