you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
