You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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