Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
