Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
