I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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