Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This house was built for laser tag.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
