I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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