Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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