Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They took my balls.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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