I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
