I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
