I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
