I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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