I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize