I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
