I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
