I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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