Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
