It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
