i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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